I haven't fulfilled the brief this week, I had my own agenda. This is my contribution, make of it what you will.
Like smoke it began to seep under the doors,
Was there fire in the room next door?
Washing over exposed toes, vague,
Formless dust laid over sun-filled windows.
How insidious this invasion was,
I could feel it growing slowly,
my consciousness feared the fire at its source,
A make-believe origin formed.
Shout as it might, choke me even,
My soul was wary of looking,
Toxicity building and damage accruing,
Yet still from it my spirit shrank.
Until pretending was obsolete, and brought to my knees,
I had to choose one fate or another.
And did then I dare too creak open that door,
With limbs weakened, face blackened, a feeble spark.
Which grew like the fire ablaze before me
Her face bearing a mirror to my truth.
For why do you burn?, I asked this wild being,
‘For you burn my love, you burn’.
And with that it was gone, but a spectral wisp,
Perished my fear in the darkness.
In the ashes remained a hope-filled Phoenix,
Her gift to my shaken self.
16 comments:
Wow, this is very good. The structure and rhythm is sound and the imagery is second to none! You built it up well in the beginning to keep me hooked and then you took me to a deep ocean. The ending is great. Well written.
I make of it.. emotion. Formless emotion that is threatening in it's actions.
You have built up a sense of dread with each stanza, and then hope at the end/beginning.
nicely mysterious.
(re permalinks on Poetry Thursday, they're no longer needed as far as i can tell, just the URL of the post will create a link in itself, so no need for messing around with HTML unless yo specifically want to hide the address of your permalink).
This part sent shivers down my spine, in a good way.
‘For you burn my love, you burn’.
Beautiful, Natalie! To me it felt like the purification we go through in becoming our authentic self.
That picture on the wall behind you might could have been used to good effect for this one. I can only mirror the other comments here...excellent. And Crafty is right, whatever you are doing with the link is working fine.
I really like what Robin has latched onto with your poem: this burning away of fear, doubt, to look so boldly inward at the ashes that are left, and then to see that new life. Lovely, powerful.
"Her face bearing a mirror to my truth"
This was an incredible line, dense, tightly woven, lovely all around.
Your poem reminded me of a passage from "Sad Child" by Maragaret Atwood, you might enjoy:
"My darling, when it comes
right down to it
and the light fails and the fog rolls in
and you're trapped in your overturned body
under a blanket or burning car,
and the red flame is seeping out of you
and igniting the tarmac beside your head
or else the floor, or else the pillow,
none of us is;
or else we all are"
another line that I thought was so visceral and creative this instinctive response within me was "and with that it was gone, but a spectral wisp,/perished my fear in the darkness"
wow. good stuff.
a very powerful poem. I like it. you've described fear being overcome to be replaced with hope so beautifully.
I related to each and every word. I had written something like that for Sunday Scribblings sometime back. How light I had felt after writing that! I again recalled my lightness of being after reading this. Thanks!
gautami
Meditating for being one with you
"my consciousness feared the fire at its source,
A make-believe origin formed."
Lot of truths in your poem; I love the way you presented them.
I will be password protecting my blog sometime within the next couple days. If you want to continue accessing my blog and want to obtain a password, please email me: vesper7@gmail.com.
Great picture of you! You should post more! Your poem was lovely too. Talk to you soon!
D
Gee shucks, thanks Dennis. Sorry for being awol recently, will be back soon... We should definitely catch up x
I love the way that this one slowly unwraps layers of doubt and fear to find a tentative but building courage and, at last, wonder. The poem moves through this process so well. Very nice.
And great picture too!
i just noticed your link is to my OLD OLD blogger blog. my blog is now here: http://vespersescape.typepad.com
see you there!
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