10 thoughts for the week

1. Sometimes I read through my poetry and think, 'ah, how beautiful'. Today I read it and think, 'what a load of maudlin crap'.

2. Never believe that someone else can bring you joy.

3. People who think they know it all suck.

4. Death is the most miraculous event ever.

5. A place can feel more alive in my heart than in my reality.

6. The Counterfeiters is an excellent movie.

7. Some members of my family are just insane.

8. I should really go to bed earlier.

9. Grief is a slow and painful process, especially when the person you're grieving is still alive.

10. Cambridge is full of toffs.

Phantom Man

I’m sick of grieving you, phantom man. And yet, you are not dead, but still alive,

Walking this very earth, your feet still full of motion, your legs still carrying you,

To another woman, another country, to another anything but to me.

Just yesterday you arrived at my house, waited for me while I brought the dogs home in the rain,

Sat there at the table with a cup of tea in hand,

Still wanting, still needing me. Still a ghost, a spectre in my kitchen.

My reality has become torturous loving insanity,

And yet it was I who took the axe and severed you from me,

I who broke these cords of suckered love.

Now I swallow you whole, take down this black medicine and let it destroy me,

Because if this is all I am then let me die now.